by Misty S Bledsoe

taliesin/Morguefile.com

Dating can be an interesting way of getting to know someone else one-to-one. While you are getting to know someone, there are a couple of things to watch out for. If your date indicates any of these behaviors, address them once. If they do it again, I recommend not seeing that person romantically any further.

 Don’t let your emotional needs and wants to overshadow or dismiss these behaviors. Some women have found themselves in not only lousy unfulfilling relationships but in outright abusive relationships as well.

 Pressure of any kind.

You are there to get to know more about one another. You are not obligated to hold hands, kiss, hug, to allow an arm to be draped over your shoulder or anything else you are not comfortable with. You are allowed to say so. 

Not honoring your requests.

One first date I had we had just barely finished a scrumptious dinner and it was time to go to the movies. He took my hand as he walked me back to the car. Quite frankly, I didn’t want to hold his hand yet. We had been on the date for about 90 minutes. I also thought it was extremely rude for him to just take my hand like he owned it or something. 

If had been really attracted to the guy before this time, I might have allowed it. However, I wasn’t and this action wasn’t scoring him any points.

My rule is to communicate clearly once and respectfully, of course. I withdrew the hand. He commented before I had a chance to speak, “What you don’t want to hold my hand?” His tone was respectful and quiet.

“Oh, no…that’s not necessary right now. I don’t feel comfortable holding hands.” That was my warning shot.

He said something, I don’t’ really remember, but it was a joke of some sort. We both started laughing and at the end of it while we were still laughing, he through in there, “Ah, come on. It’s no big deal. I like you and I want to treat you nice.” 

By then we were at the car door which he opened for me.

I couldn’t tell if was the ½ glass of wine I had had or his words that gave me a sickening gut feeling. Looking back, it was his words. Even though I had clearly communicated my boundary to him, he discounted (played down) what I had said as if it wasn’t important and tried to convince me that I was wrong by doing so, (by telling me he wanted to treat me nice so its like I was obligated or something) and then took my hand up again anyway.

It was very subtle.

A gentleman will never do something like this. My example is a small one and it was a small gesture at that. Nevertheless, I was quick enough to catch it, realize it, and know it was not a good sign. 

If he doesn’t respect what you say now, he won’t respect you when it when it really matters. Bottom line on this one: If he doesn’t listen to you now—he won’t listen to you later.

This is not an entire list of red flags but are a couple of good ones to watch out for.